Sheep and Goats (aka Christian Integrity)

After a few weeks traveling through our organist Marlene's Holy Land experience, we're back to talk about Christian integrity. Specifically, what it means to be a sheep, rather than a goat. How do we live our lives trying to match our actions and ideas with what Jesus actually said? And if we're given the free gift of grace and could technically just repent on our deathbed, why should we really even care?

Let's start with that second question: why should we care? There are 3 easy (and somewhat selfish) reasons:

1.It reduces cognitive dissonance. Whether we realize it or not, it makes us mentally uncomfortable when we say we believe something (and hopefully really do believe it!), and then we act in ways that don't confirm those beliefs. It's like a little itch in the back of your brain- and your brain is always working to reduce that discomfort. And when it relieves your concern by telling you that the thing you SAY you believe isn't really that important- or it twists the definition into something easier- you slowly become less able to follow your beliefs. This slow slide into mushy values often continues until/unless something big jolts you out of it.

2. It reduces the harm we cause others. We're familiar with the phrase "Going to church on Sunday doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car," and we can all list hypocritical "Christians" we wish wouldn't claim the name (Westboro Baptist Church, anyone?). But as extreme as the WBC is, we can cause just as much of a stumbling block to others when we don't take Jesus' teachings seriously. It makes others question whether the things God asks are really that good- how can God be wonderful when even His followers don't want to follow what He says?

3. It increases our "God Moments." The more your life draws closer to the ideal Jesus presents, the more likely you are to REALLY see God in the workings of your life. You get to see some of the "hows" and "whys" that other people might miss. You get to start to understand your purpose here. Those moments are better than Christmas morning. Think about all of the uncertainty you have in your life- then think about how great it would be to know, rather than just guess.

Before we go any further, though, it's important to mention one thing: we will always have work to do before our ideals match our actions. We will never reach perfection this side of heaven- and that's OK. Really it's a good thing- it means that there is still something greater and better than anything we've experienced, which I think is a very hopeful thing. And if we could reach perfection on our own, there would be no need for Jesus. You're in good company, even when you're falling short of your own goals. We can be people of integrity AND hypocrites at the same time- it's about the heart and which side has the greater weight in our lives.

Now, as we explore how we give precedence to the goal of integrity, let's keep the following things in mind:

1. You need to actually WANT to follow Jesus. Bruxy Cavey has a great analogy for this one; John Owen (the puritanical preacher) said it this way:

Why do you think you want to be in heaven forever if you don’t even want to spend time with God here on earth? (paraphrased)

2. We will fail miserably at following Christ if we don’t have a clear idea of what he’s actually asking of us. This might require some study, but at the very least it requires some time set aside for reflection.

3. We are all called to the same goals in Christ, but the way that plays out can be different for each of us; there will be things that are the same for all of us (we can all agree that loving our neighbor probably means we don't torture them, but it might mean becoming a nurse for one person and becoming a philanthropic business person for another).

4. We are called to follow Christ, not other Christians; Christians don’t always get it right 100% of the time, so their actions have to be examined in light of the original call. That said, other Christians can also be really helpful examples to guide us in that walk.

5. Your life might be the only bible a person ever reads. You hold a very powerful position when you decide to become the hands and feet of God. It demands that you take your responsibility as a representative of Christ seriously. Just as your coach might require you to wear a shirt and tie on game days instead of your normal sweatpants (to be a positive representative of your school), Jesus requires that you subordinate some of your personal wishes/freedom in order to be an emblem of HIS team. The apostle Paul puts it this way in Romans 14 (talking about not letting food get in the way of love):

¹³ Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. ¹⁴ I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean. ¹⁵ If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died. ¹⁶ Therefore do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil. ¹⁷ For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, ¹⁸ because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval.
¹⁹ Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. ²⁰ Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. ²¹ It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall.

  

Romans 14 goes on to nicely conclude our topic of the day:

^22-23 Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don’t impose it on others. You’re fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you’re not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe—some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them—then you know that you’re out of line. If the way you live isn’t consistent with what you believe, then it’s wrong.

In the coming weeks, we'll look at how certain people are living out their beliefs- both locally and globally, in big ways and in small ways. I hope they'll provide some inspiration as to how God is calling YOU to live out your faith!


5 Minutes of God Time Song: Nearer My God To Thee by The Piano Guys

Expectations

We all feel the pressure of lots of expectations in our lives- some are given to us by others (parents, friends, teachers, society, etc.) and some are ones we put on ourselves. We also know that some of them are good and healthy and some are not so good (whether it's because they're not-so-healthy or because they're just not right for us). Sometimes they're in conflict and are only "negative" until they're sorted out (for example, you're inclined to follow your friends expectations for post-homecoming recreation, while your parents expect you to come home instead). And sometimes, the biggest issue is simply that the expectations, while good, are unrealistic.

So what we need to figure out is how to prioritize them- which ones do we give the most energy and attention to, and which ones do we ignore (or at least, push to the back burner until we get the important ones under control)? In youth group, we listed a bunch of expectations: straight A's, college, knowing what you want to do with the rest of your life, romantic/physical relationships, loyalty to friends, job description, availability/scheduling (for extracurriculars and work), legal requirements, curfew, chores.

But this list is neither exclusive nor exhaustive, so it's important that we don't just rank what's on there. What we need to do is start figuring out how to question these expectations within a framework of faith, so we can have an understanding of priorities that can move with us throughout our lives.

During youth group we read and discussed several bible verses:

For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses himself?(Luke 9:25)

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”(James 4:13-15)

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Luke 10:27)

 So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (Romans 12:1-2)

And as we discussed at the very start, I promised that I would give you a little firmer direction on the blog- questions to ask, things to remember, etc. So without further ado, a Four Step Program (with thoughts in parentheses):

Step 1: Name them! What are these expectations?

Vague expectations almost always bring anxiety! Whether the murkiness is with your parents or just in your head, it's worth it to clarify what they really are; only then you can actually agree or disagree. Either way, you're more likely to like the outcome if your actions are made with all the information. FYI, in the grander scheme of society, there’s a lot of money to be made in “vague expectations,” because you keep searching for the next thing, degree, etc. to make it all make sense!

Step 2: Where do these messages come from? 

Is the expectation your own idea (and where did you first get it?), is it from a parent or teacher, or is it from society? Knowing where it comes from can help you prioritize. And keep in mind that with technology, we have more “scripts” and expectations thrown at us than ever before, which can give rise to FOMO (fear of missing out) and can heighten unrealistic expectations.

Step 3: Why do you have them/why do they “stick?” How can you deal with them?

Is the expectation:

• Required? (mandatory school, living with parents, etc.)
• Because you want approval/to be liked?
• Because you have a “fear of missing out?”
• Because you're afraid that you’ll regret it if you do something different? (It’s just what people do! They wouldn't do it this way if there were a better way!)    
• Because you're afraid you’ll regret it if you do what others expect? (Bucking the "norm" only for the sake of being different, not because different is actually better.)

Step 4: What now?

  1. Recognize that you CANNOT do it all.

a. There are only 24 hours in a day (and yes, Mother Theresa and Albert Einstein had the same amount of time as you, but even they couldn’t be BOTH Mother Theresa AND Albert Einstein!)

b. For absolutely every decision you make, you are excluding other options (watching TV means you're not volunteering or sleeping or giving all your attention to your homework; my decision to write this post means I'm not doing something else, etc.)

c. Allow yourself time- you will not accomplish everything you want RIGHT NOW, but you can be satisfied if you’re working towards it rather than being stunted by how much is left to do.

2. Clarify where you can (with yourself and with others, to make sure you’re not creating unnecessary conflict) 
3. Determine the relative importance in these expectations (what MUST you do vs. what’s great if you can pull it off) and focus on the most important. Maybe you need to write it down to make sure the important stuff actually gets scheduled in.

Final Questions: The Faith Test

a. Does Scripture offer wisdom or commandment on this issue? Remember to put your faith requirements first; focusing out the external things first can leave you feeling hollowed out, whereas focusing on your internal, spiritual needs can give you the strength and depth to better deal with everything else.

b. Have I spent time with God on this? Prayer is so important- our general requirements are the same, but how it plays out will be different. Each of us has our individual role, and we MUST spend time with God to figure out how he’s designed us.  Otherwise, even when we’re doing something “good,” we’re missing the point of why we’re here.

c. Does fulfilling this expectation bring me closer to God? This one may or may not be obvious right away, but keep a close eye on your desire for a relationship with God. If you’re starting to feel less inclined to pray, read the Bible, or generally have a positive view of God, it’s worth reflecting on what’s changed within your values/expectations/priorities.

 

And we ended with this bible verse:

For I am persuaded beyond doubt that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

 It's a beautiful reminder that even when we get it all wrong (and we will), and even when we feel completely overwhelmed (and we will), God is with us. God LOVES us, just as we are, and we need to give ourselves a measure of grace. We are perfected in God, not in our own actions. It doesn't mean we shouldn't strive for growth, but it does mean we should do so feeling secure in our heavenly value.

Prayer: May God be with you, showing you all you need to know about His vision for your life. May He give you the wisdom you need to make decisions, and the strength you need to follow through. May you place Him first in your life, reveling in the beauty that surrounds you when you are centered in Him. And may everything in your life draw you closer to His kingdom. Amen.

5 Minutes of God Time: Nearer My God To Thee by The Piano Guys

 

September Scads

Scad

noun, Usually, scads

1. Informal. a great number or quantity

 Things *I* think are worth your while to read:

• A short look at 6 people who took an alternative path in order to live out their faith in their day-to-day lives.
• A wise perspective on going to church when you don't feel like it.
• As Christians, we're called to care about creation- and when we do, it's important that we look into our everyday actions to see how they're impacting it. If you're an "average" American, this is your contribution to the California drought.
• Why should you care? Here's one reason.  
• And here's a 15 year old addressing the UN about climate change for the third time. Side note: If you're feeling inadequate because you're older than 15 and you've yet to address the UN even once, please know you're not alone and it doesn't mean you're not also doing something worthwhile. And if you're Pastor Rich reading this, I hope you're fully appreciating this guy's awesome hair.

•  This awesome couple saw a need and filled it (fair warning: only females have this particular need)
• And we'll end with your feel-good story of the day: Lou Xiaoying is a poor Chinese woman who has still somehow managed to save the lives of over 30 abandoned children, even though she never set out to save the world.

We're Back!

We are now back in the swing of Sunday morning youth group, and I'm so excited for it! After a fun Rally Day of games and guidelines (and our 5 Minutes of God Time), we spent our first "real" week thinking both backwards and forwards. We took a few minutes to remember a wonderful woman we lost this last summer, thinking of which words we associated with Terri. All of them were positive-- song, joy, optimism, courage, welcome, Christ-follower-- which is what anyone who knew Terri would expect. This launched us into a discussion about traits and characteristics:

• Some traits are inherent, such as introversion/extroversion or restlessness/placidity (think about how some babies are simply content, while others want to move and explore)
• Some traits are ingrained in us by our families, such as respect for others or neatness
• Others are won by life circumstances, such as needing extraordinary determination to achieve a goal or learning humility the hard way (like Pope Francis)

But why were we talking about this in the first place? Not because we want to make ourselves "perfect" or "fix ourselves"- as children of God, we are already loved in an eternal, divine way that we can do nothing to earn. Our "fix" came through Jesus, and perfection is out of reach for any of us mortals. But even knowing this, we still have an inner need to improve ourselves- we might pray for the patience to deal with a difficult sibling rather than allow our short tempers to continue the conflict or we might search for a silver lining to comfort a hurting friend. And we do this because all of us have seen firsthand how certain behaviors improve (or damage) the world around us. Not surprisingly, many of the traits we gravitate toward are traits recommended by the bible:

Photo by Carmen

I was originally going to list all of our words and link them to specific bible verses. But then I realized that you guys are more than capable of reading the list and then going to www.biblegateway.com and searching for a specific word. Seriously, it's really easy and good practice! :)

Why should you take the (minimal) effort? Because lots of us have a general list of achievements we want to accomplish and many of us have a "Bucket List" of things we want to do before we die- get a medical degree, visit the Eiffel Tower, bungee jump, get a tattoo, whatever. But we don't usually make ourselves a Moral Bucket List- we admire traits in others, but sometimes feel like they are out of reach for us. We might come across someone who is so brilliantly patient that it makes us want to be more patient. We reflect on what sort of dedication a particular teacher showed or admire the confidence of another. But then we leave it at that short-lived admiration and refuse to take the next step.We're missing out on an incredibly important aspect of our lives, one that has a very real impact on those around us (for example: why YOU admire THEM in the first place). Thus, the encouragement to start thinking about what you value in others, what you see as making the world a better place, and then figuring out how it applies best to you.

Now, it's equally important to realize that while you might find every trait on that list to be a good trait, it doesn't mean you have to try to embody them all- or all at once. I love to sing (in private), but I won't be hurt in the slightest if you don't associate the word "song" with me. It won't stop me from singing (again, in private) and it won't stop me from loving that you guys chose that as a word to describe Terri. The word not applying to me doesn't diminish my appreciation for it. You probably feel that way about others on this list. That's fine!

In that spirit, I asked you to write down a few (no more than 5) of those traits, the traits that most stood out to you, the traits you most want to embody (prioritize, people!). Then I asked you to write down ONE step you would take for each of those traits to become more like that kind of person. Maybe you want to be more patient, so you will count to ten before responding to your sibling; maybe you will try to envision the situation from their point of view before responding (patience AND empathy). The traits and the choices are up to you!

And that was it! So tell me: two weeks in, how are you doing on your list?

5 Minutes of God Time: Live Like That by Sidewalk Prophets

Your August Aggregation

Aggregation:

noun

1. a group or mass of distinct or varied things, persons, etc.:

    an aggregation of complainants.

2. collection into an unorganized whole.

 

Here are some things you should know/watch/check out before the end of this month:

 

•  The Pope has declared September 1st as a day of prayer for the protection of the environment, should you care to join in!
• The UCC has released information on their next National Youth Event (in 2016). This one is at Disney World, and allows for families/non-youth to also register.
• Since they haven't released the lineup of workshops, etc. yet, check out 2012's website and summary to see if this might be something you'd want to do! (the workshop listing is at the bottom of the page)

• As part of the ongoing discussion about #blacklivesmatter, this story might help you to understand some of the anger being expressed.
• Tolerance does not require that we all believe the same thing, it is recognizing the humanity and rights of others- and supporting those rights.
•  Making a difference through business.  
• And another example of using your skills to help others

 

And upcoming Youth Group news:

• We're starting up again on Sept. 13th for Rally Day! Plan to stay afterward to join in the church picnic and serve ice cream.
• I'm making the schedule for this year, so let me know topics and activities you'd like to see!

7 Deadly Sins: Pride

We've finally reached the master deadly sin! When we first started talking about the seven deadly sins, we used the imagery of a tree. We started with the tiny twigs- those are the individual actions of a sin; then we moved on to the thicker branches, which were the seven deadly sins (the thoughts behind the actions). But what about the trunk and roots? There are two ways of looking at these "trees"- one is to say that each sin is an entire tree (ie- the trunk of gluttony is made up of the persistent gluttonous thoughts, which give way to the individual branches of actions) OR to use the metaphor of the ancient monastics, we place pride as the trunk of the tree Sinis Deadlious (for the record, Sinis Deadlious is not an actual Latin name for a tree), and see all of the other 6 deadly sins as branching out from that original, prideful trunk.

For the ancient monastics, pride is the root of all the other sins. Why? Because we wouldn't feel we have a right to act in those harmful ways if we truly understood our place in time and in the world. It's only when we have an over-blown sense of importance that we begin to forget how interconnected we are. Pride is also considered the original sin; Satan forgot his place in God's kingdom and decided he was as great as his Father, while Adam and Eve also sought to achieve God-like status through the eating of the apple (see Genesis 3:4-6 for a refresher). Most of us might not verbalize a desire to become deities, but we're not generally opposed to being vaulted a little higher than our peers.

So what is pride, exactly? In sin language, it gets broken down into 3 categories- two of which used to be their own separate sins (Pope Gregory rolled pride and vainglory together way back around A.D. 590). We have:

Pride: The desire and pursuit of being the "best" and most worthy. This twists the righteous pursuit of excellence into a desire to place yourself above others, as well as putting your sense of worth into an achievement that will likely be overshadowed at some point (world record holders, for example, regularly have their records broken in their own lifetimes- often within years). What happens to your sense of self when you're no longer the best, but are also no longer capable of reclaiming that title?

Ambition: The desire to be viewed and applauded as the best by a certain group of people. Ambitious people don't care that everyone knows how great they are, but they care greatly to receive praise from people they think are worthy. An example of this might be an actor needing to win an award at a certain film festival in order to feel like he made it or a student needing NHS membership in order to feel like she's a good enough student. You can insert just about anything into those categories, but the main point is that ambition requires outward recognition from others in order to be pleased with the accomplishment. Oh, and in case you're thinking that "ambitious" is a poor word choice, it's worth noting that dictionary.com has this to say about its history:

n.

mid-14c., from Middle French ambition or directly from Latin ambitionem (nominative ambitio) "a going around," especially to solicit votes, hence "a striving for favor, courting, flattery; a desire for honor, thirst for popularity," noun of action from past participle stem of ambire "to go around" (see ambient ).

Rarely used in the literal sense in English, where it carries the secondary Latin sense of "eager or inordinate desire of honor or preferment." In early use always pejorative, of inordinate or overreaching desire; ambition was grouped with pride and vainglory.

Vainglory: The desire and pursuit of praise regardless of whether you've earned it and no matter who gives it. Vainglorious people want to be known and acknowledged above all else. We can all think of certain reality TV stars who fit this bill, but it can be much closer to home, too- think about how you feel when you post something to Facebook in order to get more "likes" or really, when you make any decision based on whether it'll raise or lower your status among your peers.

Fame is a fickle friend, Harry. Celebrity is as celebrity does.

-Gilderoy Lockhart

While it's good to know the theory of what these terms mean, it's also important to know what they might look like. And what's a blog post without a bulleted list?
Pride, ambition, and vainglory might look like:

• Gaston from Beauty and the Beast 
• Kim Kardashian
• Selfies (not all of them- but the idea that you need to take/post a selfie in order for an experience to "count")
• Constant social media updates (in the belief that everyone wants to hear what you have to say), 
• Service opportunities in order to record them for recognition (like NHS or scholarship applications)
• Sassy comebacks meant to shut others up (might be funny, but they're meant to make you look good and the other person look "less than" you)
• One-upmanship when someone's telling a story
• Always wanting to be right rather than acknowledging another's point of view
• Making assumptions (caveat: we all have to make decisions based on what we know at that point in time. This bullet point references thoughtless, self-assured assumptions.)
• Any type of prejudice
• Velma Vanity (appearance is king)
• Eddie Education (believes he’s intellectually superior to you; value is based on the letters that come after his name or the diplomas on his wall)
• Anna Accomplishment (awards and honors are the basis of status and sense of self)
• Ronny Reverse (the middle-class snob- everyone else’s goals are so superficial, "I’m more real, better than you phonies")
• Ned Name-dropper (fame and any associations with it are what give him sense of importance)
• Martha and Marvin Materialism (sense of worth is in having the “best” material goods and most money)

What about "I'm so proud of you?"

While this phrase could show a sense of centering your self worth in another's accomplishments (living vicariously through your children or friends, see Ned the Name-Dropper above), usually this phrase really means, "I'm so pleased with you!" or "You did something good, and I want to acknowledge your efforts and let you know how much it means to me." It's a turn of phrase we use in our culture that doesn't really imply the sort of sinful pride we're covering. 

The Dangers of Self-Esteemia

Since the early 1990's, the US culture has had a focus on building self-esteem in kids. Self esteem, of course, being the idea that everyone has basic worth and rights (in relation to other people). Though you will never find the word "self-esteem" in the bible, this falls in line with the biblical idea that we are granted inherent value as sons and daughters of God, through Christ. Self-esteemia, on the other hand, is what our cultural focus on self-esteem has turned into- it’s taking that biblical idea and twisting it into the idea that we are all excellent and wonderful and worthy of praise for simply existing. It's the idea that everyone gets a trophy for participating, or that no one ever needs to work on themselves because we’re just born that way; it’s become a way of using praise to make up for every challenge in life. Self-esteemia is an overblown sense of worth in the world. We're now finding, through lots of studies, that kids who fall prey to self-esteemia's life theory of "I'm worthy of praise and recognition because I'm alive"  are less empathetic, more selfish, more self-absorbed, and are generally less satisfied with life unless they have some other guiding principals to bring them out of it.

 So if praise alone isn't enough to make you satisfied with your life... what is? 

The Deep Satisfaction of Humility

 Humility is NOT what we often associate it with- the similar sounding humiliation. It is not the belief that we are worms, that we have no value or skills to offer- that's reverse pride (believing that you are the worst of the worst, that no one has ever been as bad or incapable as you). Humility IS

recognizing that you are not perfect, but you still have something to offer. It’s taking an honest look at what God has given you to work with, and offering it up to others when you are prompted by God. Humility is forcing the world’s approbation to take a back seat to pleasing God- even if it makes you look stupid in the eyes of the world, even if it means that you never achieve recognition for your work. And if it means that you are exalted above all of your peers, you watch for God’s pleasure, not the fickleness of humankind.

Once you accept your flaws, no one can use them against you.

-Anonymous

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.

-C.S. Lewis

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

-Mahatma Gandhi

  What might humility look like, then?

• Humility is asking questions and loving dialogue
• Humility has never found someone it couldn’t learn from
• Humility assumes there is always something more to learn… about everything.
• Humility assumes I need others; it’s admitting that others may be stronger than me and that we are all better together.
• Humility would rather be open and vulnerable than closed and independent.
• Humility uses conversations to explore new worlds, rather than as a personal broadcast.
• Humility puts energy, effort, and concentration into listening.
• Humility accepts that there will also be another sin to conquer.
• Humility strives to be of use in service to others.
• Humility recognizes our transcendence here on earth.
• Humility treats friends and peers as equals, as fellow travelers on the road to God.
• Humility believes what the Gospel says about our need for grace.

We'll close with the Catholic Litany of Humility. It's a tough prayer, as it challenges so very many of the ideas our culture believes, but it's worth reading through and reflecting upon:

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

7 Deadly Sins: Anger and Sloth

When I first asked you to tell me what anger looks like this week, I received a lot of responses- and all of them were physically acting out, the most basic and also childish response to anger. When little kids get upset, they will often throw themselves on the floor, yell, kick, etc. But as we grow up, we start to see other ways people deal with their anger- and the responses typically fall into one of the following types:

• The Volcano: You suppress your anger until you. just. can't. anymore. Eventually you explode, spewing your vitriol without control.
• The Microwave: Watch out! Things heat up quickly! This is the short-fuse type of anger, ready to boil over at a moment's notice.
• The Icicle: With a shoulder that cold, the target of your anger should start looking up remedies for frostbite.
• The Toxic Waste Site: Buried deep within, you never let your anger show. But no form of containment lasts forever, and the poison of your anger eventually seeps into and destroys unrelated parts of your life.
• The Baker: Keeping your anger in check, you use it as one part of a recipe to make something better and tastier than what you had before.

 We kept that last type in reserve until we answered the following question, though, since it's kind of leading. But you guys were already unanimous in your answer to the question of whether anger is always a bad thing: you thought that anger could be justified and could be a spark that pushes you into action. This is the modern perspective, by the way: the ancient monks thought that anger was never good and always needed to be rooted out. And they had good reasons for it (though I, too, think the modern perspective's got a strong argument!): First, they found that it was hard to pray or feel connected to God while angry, and second, they recognized that anger greatly reduces our ability to think with sound judgement. When we're angry, we're more likely to focus on the imagery of what made us angry and we're also more likely to tell ourselves little half-lies or distort the situation to justify our feelings. The ancient monks felt that it was too easy for us to confuse situations that called for righteous action and which ones were the "turn the other cheek" scenarios- and they knew the power of anger so well, they wanted to be in full control of their emotions before doing ANYTHING.

If we believe that there are some situations in which anger is good, we need to first figure out how to tell the difference between righteous anger and the sin of wrath. So let's take a look at the three main categories of wrath:

• Irritability/quick temper (bickering, rudeness, cutting remarks, complaining, profanity)

• Disproportionate anger (our anger is much bigger than the situation warrants; we have an overblown sense of what we’re owed)

• Simmering resentment (grudge-holding, dwelling on “wrongs,” sullenness, passive-aggressiveness, refusal to forgive, fantasies about vengeance; this is the most likely to distort the truthfulness of the situation and to inflame the first two categories)

Any time you find yourself in one of those categories, you can be sure that your emotion isn't righteous. You're too focused on yourself to put anger in its proper place: as a servant of change and reconciliation.

 Still confused? Ask yourself the following questions:

• Is this offense something that makes God angry? 
• Does my reaction to it fit into God’s kingdom?
• Will my anger destroy a relationship or dishonor God?
• Is my anger turning into thoughts of fixing the problem for everyone involved?
• Does my anger keep me from forgiving others?

 So what if your anger is truly wrath? Now what do you do? Fret not! There are many who've struggled with this before and they have some great insights!

• Be vigilant about identifying angry and resentful thoughts- don't let them fester. And it's worth taking note of what makes you angry- what does it tell you about your motivations and values?
• Don't run away from it! Sure, you can step outside or count to 10 to keep yourself from saying something you'll regret, but in the end, it's best to deal with the situation at hand. You'll never be able to avoid everything that could make you angry (even a hermit can get mad at an inanimate object if he hasn't learned to control his temper), and more importantly, if you can't handle your emotions while you're "in the world," you'll also never be able to effect any good in the world.
• Try to come to a peaceful resolution with the other party. This doesn't mean it has to be an immediate "all's better" situation, since some wrongs truly do require time to come to terms with them. But start softening yourself to the idea of forgiveness as soon as you can.
• Forgive and forget. I know you can't actually FORGET, but you do have the choice to not bring up a past wrong (either to them or just in your head). Don't let anger define your relationship with someone; continually remembering a wrong often leads to prolonging the feelings of hurt or becoming smug and prideful over how great you are that you've forgiven them.
• Recognize that you have the freedom to choose what to do with your angry thoughts- there's no automatic requirement to do any one thing with them!
• Tell someone about why you're angry. This is not about venting (which almost never helps us reconcile, only rehash and relive), it's about discerning whether your reaction is appropriate and what your next step might be.
• Remember your own faults and imperfections- we're really good at attributing our missteps to circumstances and attributing our enemies' faults to character flaws (and rarely do we see them the other way around).
• Realize that you may not have had a right to the reaction/situation that you thought you had- be honest with yourself. Were you right in your expectations when they were disappointed?
• Reframe the situation- try to think about WHY things went the way they did.
• Do something that makes you feel joyful instead. Sing a hymn, give generously, do something that makes you laugh- it's hard to hold a grudge when you can't stop smiling!
• Keep a journal of your anger throughout the day, assigning it a 1-5 value based on how mad you were, and then review it at the end of the week. What do you think about those situations in light of some time?
• Take the long perspective. Ask yourself, "Will this matter in 10 years?" and "In light of eternity, is this anger something that has a place in the kingdom of heaven? Do I want to take this to the grave with me?"
• Prepare yourself! When you know you're likely to come up against things that make you mad, think about how you'll respond to them in advance. Don't gear yourself up for a fight, but think about how you could handle the situation with grace and tact, rather than flying off the handle.

 Interestingly enough, doing those things can also increase your PATIENCE! Which, of course, is the virtue associated with this particular vice. :)

But now what happens at the other end of the spectrum? When you're not mentally flying off the handle or seething with rage? When you're really not passionate about... anything? You might find you've fallen into the vice of....

Sloth

As a vice, sloth can be summed up not as a lack of motion and energy but as a failure to do what love demands of you; it is the sin of omission. We tend to think of it as laying about, munching chips and watching TV, but that image is really just the opposite of what the monks used to prescribe as a solution: manual labor, to improve your diligence (virtue alert!). What sloth really is can show itself in a number of sometimes unexpected ways:

• Restlessness or a desire to "run away from it all"
• Apathy
• Shutting your eyes to the world by yielding to distractions
• Planning, planning, and more planning- but never actually acting
• Not following through on opportunities to show love or kindness
• Hanging back when a prompt response matters (ie "I'll donate to that earthquake relief fund tomorrow... I mean, next week... or maybe next month.")
• Laziness or avoidance of things that are challenging
• Busy-ness, especially when we're busy to the point of distraction

That last point deserves a bit more discussion. If we define sloth as a failure to do what love demands of us, it's far more than just sitting on the couch and eating potato chips- we can just as easily avoid doing (or even noticing) what we should be doing because we fill our days with so many other things. A workaholic can certainly suffer from sloth, even if he never stops moving. When you're rushing from thing to thing, you may not stop to answer God's little "nudges." Or perhaps you're so busy because you don't want to have time to sit and explore your feelings; you're afraid of what some introspection might bring to light.

 

However it shows itself, sloth is a refusal (though perhaps a quiet one) to let God's love change us and define us; we cling to what WE want or how WE think our lives should be led. It is both the cause and the result of distancing ourselves from God. And it affects both the dedicated monk and the newbie believer equally.

How? As almost every mature Christian throughout history can tell you, a relationship with God is not static. Your passions and emotions rise and subside (because no one can sustain heightened feelings forever), and you will likely have moments in time when you have to listen much, much harder to hear God's voice. Remember how silent Mother Theresa's relationship with God was after her initial call! Sloth takes advantages of those ebbs and flows (particularly the "ebbs") and encourages us to take that lack of passion and either view it as a sign that we need to move on to something else or make it into our state of being. Sloth says, "I don't feel strongly about what I'm doing anymore. Guess it's not worth doing. If I just changed careers, cities, _____, it'd all be better. I should probably focus on that instead of doing this other thing." (Note: this is not about finding your calling- that's a whole 'nother discussion about discernment and the trial and error that can come along being blessed with a round-about path. Sloth is about not noticing what's placed in front of you and why, or choosing not to follow through on something that you should be doing.)

 

It should come as no surprise that sloth is part of a vicious cycle. Spiritually, when we decide not to pray because we're not "inspired," or we do the "one and done" prayers (I mentioned it to God, so now it'll happen and I don't have to think about it any more!), or when we fail to go to church because we'd rather spend our time on another activity (and we don't try to connect with God in another way), we will likely find that it's a bit easier to skip it next time, too. And then we start to lose sight of the value of a relationship with God, until we hit the point where we're either drifting aimlessly without purpose or value- or we're frantically trying to fill the void with whatever new fad spirituality floats in front of us. Alternately, we might scramble from activity to activity, trying to find fulfillment and purpose away from the very One who made us to want those things. And when we see sloth acted out en masse over a long period of time, we come to a situation much like we witnessed in Baltimore recently. (I'm grateful to all of you who stayed afterwards to discuss the logistics of what happened and how, but for those of you who missed it, this is a pretty good beginner summary, though it was made before they announced charges against the 6 police officers involved.)

The Freddie Gray riots and protests are the perfect example of the intersection between sloth and wrath. We saw both reactive, passionate wrath, as well as anger that was held in check by the 10,000 or so protestors who marched in the streets of Baltimore (and the others that held marches in other cities). Clearly, wrath and anger were on display- no matter your thoughts on the appropriateness of those emotions. But what about sloth? As John Stewart explains (in a rather bleep-filled, yet amusing clip), the reason that wrath was allowed to build and boil over was not just because of individual choices, but because of the inability and refusal of those in power (note: this doesn't mean just "government") to do what love demanded of them over a period of decades. Baltimore is a good example of what can happen when we allow distraction and comfort to make our decisions for us, rather than taking on the hard work that is placed in front of us. It is the culmination of a billion tiny decisions, for even when there are people working with all their strength to make things right, their hard work can pale in comparison to the sloth and inattentiveness of the masses.

 

I'd strongly encourage you all to keep paying attention, not only to this situation but to the others that pop up. Keep an eye out for trends in the anger, in the proposed solutions, and in the ways that people come together to overcome and heal. Paying attention can be a great form of diligence and commitment to love's call, especially as it prepares you for future action!

 

P.S.- There wasn't an obvious spot for this reminder within the main text, but we did talk about how it's not sloth to take breaks from working hard in order to have the energy to keep going. When you're doing something hard, you NEED to have moments of respite to recenter and recharge, and that is a wonderful thing. Just make sure you're not taking a break before you've even started!