Accountabilibuddies, Breath Prayers, and Detachment

Some heavy topics this last week, but I think we had some fun, too!

Accountibilibuddies:
Everyone has an accountibilibuddy now, so I won't post the list- if you have any questions about who you're paired with, let me know through email.

Some of the benefits of Accountibilibuddies (aka bilibuddies (thanks, Jo)) are that you have:

• Someone to help point you in the right direction and guide you in making the right decisions
• Someone to help you follow through on those decisions and keep you accountible for your dreams, goals, and struggles
• Someone to you can talk to about things, even if you just need to vent
• Someone who will pray for you (and someone for you to pray for, as well)
• Someone who will give you some more clarity as to who you are- good and bad
• Another, stronger connection to your church family
• Another voice to help remind you that you're not the only Christian out there, even when it feels like it at school or in the community
• A potential life-long friend, who knows you in a deeper way than some of the other people you see every day.
• Someone who can help you understand another point of view, and who might have some surprising insight into your expectations.

Some of the things that you might need to watch out for with your bilibuddy relationship are:

• Gossiping, or sharing the information you've learned- which can sometimes take on the guise of caring and helping (remember the example from last week: "Please pray for John as he struggles with his addiction to pornography." NOT the most responsible way for you to support your bilibuddy!)
• Feeling vulnerable about opening up- your bilibuddy should never laugh at your struggles, or make you feel like you're the only one dealing with something like that, even if you keep your relationship on the lighter side
• Worrying that they'll see  you differently- remember that we're all struggling with the same base problem, a disconnect from God, that simply takes different forms for each of us
• Having a power imbalance- if one person is willing to share and open up, while the other isn't, that can make the relationship seem one sided and unfair.

Bilibuddies work best when you set the ground rules in advance- when you'll talk (how often?), where (email? phone? in person?), what (how much do you want to talk about- things like lenten disciplines or also relationships, goals, dreams?), and how long (just Lent, or longer?).  Keep in mind that this is a sacred responsibility, even if you just want to keep your assigned partner until the end of Lent. Pray for them, think about them, look to the scriptures for support and guidance. Also, remember that you'll get more out of it when you give/share more- be willing to ask the hard questions, but do it in a loving way. Asking the hard questions can make both you and your partner feel defensive, but explore those feelings, too- what do they tell you?

And finally, remember that if you have any other questions about it, feel free to ask me or Pastor Rich.

Breath Prayer
Breath prayers are short and sweet- the idea is that you form a phrase that encapsulates your desire for a prayer,and repeat it throughout the day. They're a great way to "pray without ceasing" (1 Thess. 5:17). You probably already do them from time to time- maybe asking for help before a test, or saying thank you to God after seeing a particularly beautiful sunset. The idea is to choose a word for God or Jesus (there are extra handouts on the bulletin board in the hallway), and then create a short statement/request afterwards- something like, "Bread of Life, thank you for your blessings." Or "Lord, here I am." Or even, "Lord of Lords, forgive me." The breath prayer reminds you of your focus on God, and helps open you up to the ways He's in your life. The name and phrase you choose depends on you- but try it out this week whenever you feel angry, sad, grateful, guilty, happy, or just a little further from God than you'd like.

And FINALLY (cue the trumpets), we covered

Detachment:
Forget Buddha, the ultimate detacher was Jesus! He put God first and foremost, and was willing to detach from everything  in order to truly focus on His love for the Father. He gave up His reputation, his family's expectations (even his brothers questioned his mission for a while), the chance to have a family and live out the normal Jewish life at that time, and He DIED because that was what God called Him to do. Those are some pretty heavy things to give up, especially when you consider that there wasn't some populist movement encouraging Jesus to give up all He held dear- He had to explain to others that the mandate came from God, not some new book he was reading or some new teacher He had heard. And it was tough for Him, too, at least at times- in Matthew 26:36-46, when Jesus is praying in the garden of Gethsemane, detaching from His life is a gut-wrenching process. He's understandably not thrilled about His upcoming horribly painful, incredibly humbling execution.

But Jesus knew better than anyone what He was doing, and He knew the purpose. He submitted to God's will and He detached from His human needs and desires. He also knew/knows that detachment wasn't only for the Son of God- God wants that sort of selflessness and reorientation for all of His other children, too. As such, Jesus didn't mince words about what His followers were to do- there are several scriptural verses that call us to detachment as Christians- in posessions (Matt 5:40-42, 6:19-21, 6:25, 28-34, 13:44-46, 19:21), in relationships (Matt. 10:37-38, 19:29), in coping mechanisms and attitudes (Matt. 5: 44, 10:19-20, 11:28), in goals and dreams (Matt. 6:34, 8:18-22), and even in life (Matt. 16:24-28)! And those scripture passages are just the ones in Matthew alone! Clearly Jesus felt that detachment was important for His followers to practice!

Yet we often refuse relinquishment and remain blind to our [own] attachments. We fail to see how our children or our goals for them and ourselves become the most important thing in our lives, receiving the bulk of our time, money and resources. We ignore our fixed attachment to our identity and how it is represented in our drive for possessions, control, comforts, and acheivements. We avoid any mini-death of relinquishment we possibly can. Relinquishment extends into the core of our identities, securities and addictions and says, "For the love of Jesus, I will let go." It is only through letting go of the control streak that true trust in Jesus is born. As Jesus' apprentices, we are to detach from the accolades of the world and receive oursleves as God's beloved. Detachment finds its true home in attachment to Jesus only.

- Spiritual Disciplines Handbook by Adele Ahlberg Calhoun

The good news is that detaching doesn't mean that we have to sit in a barren cell, wearing our one outfit, no idea where our next meal is coming from and no one to talk to about it because we detached from all significant relationships. It means accepting that all things on Earth are impermanent and separating yourself from anything that draws your focus away from God. It doesn't mean you can't have a nice, cozy bed- but if you're not willing to get out of that bed to do what God asks of you, maybe you're a little too attached to that bed and not attached enough to God. It doesn't mean you can't have friends you love, trust, and respect- but if God calls you to do something they think is crazy, detachment means separating yourself from them enough to hear their concerns, attempt to explain it to them, and doing what God asks of you anyway. Detachment is recognizing that God has what's best for you, and He is the only true primary need in your life. Everything else is secondary.

PRAYER of DETACHMENT

St. John of the Cross (1542-1591)

Deliver me, O Jesus...
...from the desire of being loved
...from the desire of being extolled
...from the desire of being praised
...from the desire of being preferred
...from the desire of being consulted
...from the desire of being approved
...from the desire of being popular

Deliver me, O Jesus...
...from the fear of being humiliated
...from the fear of being despised
...from the fear of suffering rebuke
...from the fear of being forgotten
...from the fear of being wronged
...from the fear of being ridiculed
...from the fear that others may be loved more than I

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire...

...that others may be esteemed more than I
...that in the opinion of the world others may increase and I may decrease
...that others may be chosen and I set aside
...that others may be praised and I unnoticed
...that others may become holier than I provided that I may become as holy as I should.

Welcome!

Check back soon to see what we are doing in youth group!!!!