Yep, we started off the most awkward unit we cover- sex, love, and relationships! And we had plenty of food and beverages to keep us occupied. But really, we didn't start off with anything too hard, and we had some great discussion about the things we were defining.
So what did we define? We started off with the differences between sex and gender:
Sex: the biological sex you're born with (chromosomal). Your options are male, female, and hermaphrodite/intersex. Intersex people are born with either ambiguous genitalia or with both male and female parts (such as a uterus and undescended testes). Statistics show that approximately 1 in 2,000 births have some form of ambiguity or hermaphroditism, though not all of them are obvious (and some people only learn they're intersex when they're getting tests for some other issue much later in life). We also discussed how many intersex babies used to have gender assignment surgeries at birth. Numerous studies, however, have shown that many of those babies grew up to identify with a different gender than the one they were assigned, and gender assignment is now generally delayed until a person hits puberty or shows a strong association with one gender.
Gender: how you identify yourself (male or female). Most people identify with their biological sex (cisgender), but some believe that they are the opposite gender (transgender). Transgender has several layers of commitment, ranging from occasional cross-dressing to living as the opposite gender, but not modifying their bodies, all the way to a full-out gender reassignment surgery. There are also two other categories of gender identification: androgyne (someone who doesn't identify with either male or female), and pangender (someone who identifies as both male AND female, often depending on circumstance or situation).
Note: the recognition of differences between gender and sex is a fairly new understanding, and you won't find it referenced in the bible.
We then moved onto different types of relationships:
Celibate: refraining from sexual activities. This can be a short-term commitment, a promise to wait until marriage, or a life-long vow. The reasons someone chooses celibacy can be numerous, but they often fall along a couple of lines: they may want to wait to have sex until they find the right person, or a person may have a low sex drive (and they're simply not very interested), or they may have questions/concerns about the morality of their sexual orientation (such as feeling that homosexuality and Christianity are incompatible [note: the UCC is an open and affirming denomination, meaning we don't view homosexuality as a sin]), or they may have deviant sexual urges that they recognize as wrong and illegal, such as pedophilia or a desire to have sex with animals, and they choose to abstain from sex to avoid harming others. The final reason people choose celibacy is to devote the passions and energies otherwise occupied by sex and growing a family to a cause greater than themselves- this is the reason that Catholic priests take vows of celibacy. But you don't have to join a monastic order or become a man of the cloth in order to commit to celibacy- ordinary folk/laypeople can choose celibacy for this reason, as well!
Monogamous: being in a relationship with just one person, without any outside sexual activity. This type of relationship models the fidelity and commitment the Christian faith espouses, as it also mirrors the kind of faithfulness and commitment God requires of his people (you don't get to have other gods on the side).
Polygamy: being married to multiple spouses. Polygyny is when one man is married to multiple wives; polyandry is when one woman is married to multiple husbands. Polygamy is illegal in the U.S., but it does exist, often with second and third (and fourth, etc.) wives being "spiritual" marriages, rather than legal marriages.
So why is it illegal? Polygamy tends to have a destabilizing effect on society; most societies have roughly equal birth rates for males and females- thus, for every additional wife, there is one less female available to marry another male. So if one man has 4 wives, there are 3 men in that society who have lost the opportunity to marry. In turn, those men tend to have a much bleaker view of the future- they have no chance of finding "love" and having a family, and lose some of the incentive to try hard, take on responsibility, and contribute. Numerous studies show that polygamous societies have higher rates of violence, crime, and drug use- or they exile their extra males into a population that doesn't practice polygamy, which creates another set of issues.
Polygamy also contributes to power and wealth imbalances- if those three "extra" men want to marry some day, their best chance is to suck up to the man with 4 wives, in hopes that they'll some day be allowed to marry one of his daughters. So men with many wives retain power and influence, whether they deserve it or not. And it also means that daughters are married off earlier, to older men. It's probably also becoming easy to see why polygamous societies tend to not have equal rights for males and females- the women become bartering pieces, rather than choosing their own mates.
*Polygamy can be found in the Old Testament, though it is not promoted in the New Testament (which champions equality under Christ and loving others as you love yourself).
Polygamy isn't to be confused with polyamory, which is basically an agreement between adults about having a sexual relationship with multiple people. It can be a married couple with a third party involved (as a relationship, rather than a one-night stand), multiple couples, or pretty much any combination you can think of. It can be open (you can sleep with anyone you want) or closed (we have mutually agreed upon other partners, but anyone else would be considered cheating). The biggest difference between polygamy and polyamory is that polyamory doesn't really have any firm boundaries other than requiring communication and knowledge.
It probably comes as no surprise that polyamory is not a relationship format that is compatible with the Christian faith; it doesn't require faithfulness, commitment, and monogamy. And it has issues even outside of concerns with faith: jealousies, easier spread of STDs, confusion for children, and power imbalances, to name a few.
Aaand that's all we got to cover on day one! You guys had some great questions, and I was really glad to see how much you were willing to talk- please keep up the discussion in the following weeks!
5 Minutes of God Time: Any Other Way by Tenth Avenue North
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