7 Deadly Sins: Pride

We've finally reached the master deadly sin! When we first started talking about the seven deadly sins, we used the imagery of a tree. We started with the tiny twigs- those are the individual actions of a sin; then we moved on to the thicker branches, which were the seven deadly sins (the thoughts behind the actions). But what about the trunk and roots? There are two ways of looking at these "trees"- one is to say that each sin is an entire tree (ie- the trunk of gluttony is made up of the persistent gluttonous thoughts, which give way to the individual branches of actions) OR to use the metaphor of the ancient monastics, we place pride as the trunk of the tree Sinis Deadlious (for the record, Sinis Deadlious is not an actual Latin name for a tree), and see all of the other 6 deadly sins as branching out from that original, prideful trunk.

For the ancient monastics, pride is the root of all the other sins. Why? Because we wouldn't feel we have a right to act in those harmful ways if we truly understood our place in time and in the world. It's only when we have an over-blown sense of importance that we begin to forget how interconnected we are. Pride is also considered the original sin; Satan forgot his place in God's kingdom and decided he was as great as his Father, while Adam and Eve also sought to achieve God-like status through the eating of the apple (see Genesis 3:4-6 for a refresher). Most of us might not verbalize a desire to become deities, but we're not generally opposed to being vaulted a little higher than our peers.

So what is pride, exactly? In sin language, it gets broken down into 3 categories- two of which used to be their own separate sins (Pope Gregory rolled pride and vainglory together way back around A.D. 590). We have:

Pride: The desire and pursuit of being the "best" and most worthy. This twists the righteous pursuit of excellence into a desire to place yourself above others, as well as putting your sense of worth into an achievement that will likely be overshadowed at some point (world record holders, for example, regularly have their records broken in their own lifetimes- often within years). What happens to your sense of self when you're no longer the best, but are also no longer capable of reclaiming that title?

Ambition: The desire to be viewed and applauded as the best by a certain group of people. Ambitious people don't care that everyone knows how great they are, but they care greatly to receive praise from people they think are worthy. An example of this might be an actor needing to win an award at a certain film festival in order to feel like he made it or a student needing NHS membership in order to feel like she's a good enough student. You can insert just about anything into those categories, but the main point is that ambition requires outward recognition from others in order to be pleased with the accomplishment. Oh, and in case you're thinking that "ambitious" is a poor word choice, it's worth noting that dictionary.com has this to say about its history:

n.

mid-14c., from Middle French ambition or directly from Latin ambitionem (nominative ambitio) "a going around," especially to solicit votes, hence "a striving for favor, courting, flattery; a desire for honor, thirst for popularity," noun of action from past participle stem of ambire "to go around" (see ambient ).

Rarely used in the literal sense in English, where it carries the secondary Latin sense of "eager or inordinate desire of honor or preferment." In early use always pejorative, of inordinate or overreaching desire; ambition was grouped with pride and vainglory.

Vainglory: The desire and pursuit of praise regardless of whether you've earned it and no matter who gives it. Vainglorious people want to be known and acknowledged above all else. We can all think of certain reality TV stars who fit this bill, but it can be much closer to home, too- think about how you feel when you post something to Facebook in order to get more "likes" or really, when you make any decision based on whether it'll raise or lower your status among your peers.

Fame is a fickle friend, Harry. Celebrity is as celebrity does.

-Gilderoy Lockhart

While it's good to know the theory of what these terms mean, it's also important to know what they might look like. And what's a blog post without a bulleted list?
Pride, ambition, and vainglory might look like:

• Gaston from Beauty and the Beast 
• Kim Kardashian
• Selfies (not all of them- but the idea that you need to take/post a selfie in order for an experience to "count")
• Constant social media updates (in the belief that everyone wants to hear what you have to say), 
• Service opportunities in order to record them for recognition (like NHS or scholarship applications)
• Sassy comebacks meant to shut others up (might be funny, but they're meant to make you look good and the other person look "less than" you)
• One-upmanship when someone's telling a story
• Always wanting to be right rather than acknowledging another's point of view
• Making assumptions (caveat: we all have to make decisions based on what we know at that point in time. This bullet point references thoughtless, self-assured assumptions.)
• Any type of prejudice
• Velma Vanity (appearance is king)
• Eddie Education (believes he’s intellectually superior to you; value is based on the letters that come after his name or the diplomas on his wall)
• Anna Accomplishment (awards and honors are the basis of status and sense of self)
• Ronny Reverse (the middle-class snob- everyone else’s goals are so superficial, "I’m more real, better than you phonies")
• Ned Name-dropper (fame and any associations with it are what give him sense of importance)
• Martha and Marvin Materialism (sense of worth is in having the “best” material goods and most money)

What about "I'm so proud of you?"

While this phrase could show a sense of centering your self worth in another's accomplishments (living vicariously through your children or friends, see Ned the Name-Dropper above), usually this phrase really means, "I'm so pleased with you!" or "You did something good, and I want to acknowledge your efforts and let you know how much it means to me." It's a turn of phrase we use in our culture that doesn't really imply the sort of sinful pride we're covering. 

The Dangers of Self-Esteemia

Since the early 1990's, the US culture has had a focus on building self-esteem in kids. Self esteem, of course, being the idea that everyone has basic worth and rights (in relation to other people). Though you will never find the word "self-esteem" in the bible, this falls in line with the biblical idea that we are granted inherent value as sons and daughters of God, through Christ. Self-esteemia, on the other hand, is what our cultural focus on self-esteem has turned into- it’s taking that biblical idea and twisting it into the idea that we are all excellent and wonderful and worthy of praise for simply existing. It's the idea that everyone gets a trophy for participating, or that no one ever needs to work on themselves because we’re just born that way; it’s become a way of using praise to make up for every challenge in life. Self-esteemia is an overblown sense of worth in the world. We're now finding, through lots of studies, that kids who fall prey to self-esteemia's life theory of "I'm worthy of praise and recognition because I'm alive"  are less empathetic, more selfish, more self-absorbed, and are generally less satisfied with life unless they have some other guiding principals to bring them out of it.

 So if praise alone isn't enough to make you satisfied with your life... what is? 

The Deep Satisfaction of Humility

 Humility is NOT what we often associate it with- the similar sounding humiliation. It is not the belief that we are worms, that we have no value or skills to offer- that's reverse pride (believing that you are the worst of the worst, that no one has ever been as bad or incapable as you). Humility IS

recognizing that you are not perfect, but you still have something to offer. It’s taking an honest look at what God has given you to work with, and offering it up to others when you are prompted by God. Humility is forcing the world’s approbation to take a back seat to pleasing God- even if it makes you look stupid in the eyes of the world, even if it means that you never achieve recognition for your work. And if it means that you are exalted above all of your peers, you watch for God’s pleasure, not the fickleness of humankind.

Once you accept your flaws, no one can use them against you.

-Anonymous

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.

-C.S. Lewis

Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

-Mahatma Gandhi

  What might humility look like, then?

• Humility is asking questions and loving dialogue
• Humility has never found someone it couldn’t learn from
• Humility assumes there is always something more to learn… about everything.
• Humility assumes I need others; it’s admitting that others may be stronger than me and that we are all better together.
• Humility would rather be open and vulnerable than closed and independent.
• Humility uses conversations to explore new worlds, rather than as a personal broadcast.
• Humility puts energy, effort, and concentration into listening.
• Humility accepts that there will also be another sin to conquer.
• Humility strives to be of use in service to others.
• Humility recognizes our transcendence here on earth.
• Humility treats friends and peers as equals, as fellow travelers on the road to God.
• Humility believes what the Gospel says about our need for grace.

We'll close with the Catholic Litany of Humility. It's a tough prayer, as it challenges so very many of the ideas our culture believes, but it's worth reading through and reflecting upon:

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

7 Deadly Sins: Anger and Sloth

When I first asked you to tell me what anger looks like this week, I received a lot of responses- and all of them were physically acting out, the most basic and also childish response to anger. When little kids get upset, they will often throw themselves on the floor, yell, kick, etc. But as we grow up, we start to see other ways people deal with their anger- and the responses typically fall into one of the following types:

• The Volcano: You suppress your anger until you. just. can't. anymore. Eventually you explode, spewing your vitriol without control.
• The Microwave: Watch out! Things heat up quickly! This is the short-fuse type of anger, ready to boil over at a moment's notice.
• The Icicle: With a shoulder that cold, the target of your anger should start looking up remedies for frostbite.
• The Toxic Waste Site: Buried deep within, you never let your anger show. But no form of containment lasts forever, and the poison of your anger eventually seeps into and destroys unrelated parts of your life.
• The Baker: Keeping your anger in check, you use it as one part of a recipe to make something better and tastier than what you had before.

 We kept that last type in reserve until we answered the following question, though, since it's kind of leading. But you guys were already unanimous in your answer to the question of whether anger is always a bad thing: you thought that anger could be justified and could be a spark that pushes you into action. This is the modern perspective, by the way: the ancient monks thought that anger was never good and always needed to be rooted out. And they had good reasons for it (though I, too, think the modern perspective's got a strong argument!): First, they found that it was hard to pray or feel connected to God while angry, and second, they recognized that anger greatly reduces our ability to think with sound judgement. When we're angry, we're more likely to focus on the imagery of what made us angry and we're also more likely to tell ourselves little half-lies or distort the situation to justify our feelings. The ancient monks felt that it was too easy for us to confuse situations that called for righteous action and which ones were the "turn the other cheek" scenarios- and they knew the power of anger so well, they wanted to be in full control of their emotions before doing ANYTHING.

If we believe that there are some situations in which anger is good, we need to first figure out how to tell the difference between righteous anger and the sin of wrath. So let's take a look at the three main categories of wrath:

• Irritability/quick temper (bickering, rudeness, cutting remarks, complaining, profanity)

• Disproportionate anger (our anger is much bigger than the situation warrants; we have an overblown sense of what we’re owed)

• Simmering resentment (grudge-holding, dwelling on “wrongs,” sullenness, passive-aggressiveness, refusal to forgive, fantasies about vengeance; this is the most likely to distort the truthfulness of the situation and to inflame the first two categories)

Any time you find yourself in one of those categories, you can be sure that your emotion isn't righteous. You're too focused on yourself to put anger in its proper place: as a servant of change and reconciliation.

 Still confused? Ask yourself the following questions:

• Is this offense something that makes God angry? 
• Does my reaction to it fit into God’s kingdom?
• Will my anger destroy a relationship or dishonor God?
• Is my anger turning into thoughts of fixing the problem for everyone involved?
• Does my anger keep me from forgiving others?

 So what if your anger is truly wrath? Now what do you do? Fret not! There are many who've struggled with this before and they have some great insights!

• Be vigilant about identifying angry and resentful thoughts- don't let them fester. And it's worth taking note of what makes you angry- what does it tell you about your motivations and values?
• Don't run away from it! Sure, you can step outside or count to 10 to keep yourself from saying something you'll regret, but in the end, it's best to deal with the situation at hand. You'll never be able to avoid everything that could make you angry (even a hermit can get mad at an inanimate object if he hasn't learned to control his temper), and more importantly, if you can't handle your emotions while you're "in the world," you'll also never be able to effect any good in the world.
• Try to come to a peaceful resolution with the other party. This doesn't mean it has to be an immediate "all's better" situation, since some wrongs truly do require time to come to terms with them. But start softening yourself to the idea of forgiveness as soon as you can.
• Forgive and forget. I know you can't actually FORGET, but you do have the choice to not bring up a past wrong (either to them or just in your head). Don't let anger define your relationship with someone; continually remembering a wrong often leads to prolonging the feelings of hurt or becoming smug and prideful over how great you are that you've forgiven them.
• Recognize that you have the freedom to choose what to do with your angry thoughts- there's no automatic requirement to do any one thing with them!
• Tell someone about why you're angry. This is not about venting (which almost never helps us reconcile, only rehash and relive), it's about discerning whether your reaction is appropriate and what your next step might be.
• Remember your own faults and imperfections- we're really good at attributing our missteps to circumstances and attributing our enemies' faults to character flaws (and rarely do we see them the other way around).
• Realize that you may not have had a right to the reaction/situation that you thought you had- be honest with yourself. Were you right in your expectations when they were disappointed?
• Reframe the situation- try to think about WHY things went the way they did.
• Do something that makes you feel joyful instead. Sing a hymn, give generously, do something that makes you laugh- it's hard to hold a grudge when you can't stop smiling!
• Keep a journal of your anger throughout the day, assigning it a 1-5 value based on how mad you were, and then review it at the end of the week. What do you think about those situations in light of some time?
• Take the long perspective. Ask yourself, "Will this matter in 10 years?" and "In light of eternity, is this anger something that has a place in the kingdom of heaven? Do I want to take this to the grave with me?"
• Prepare yourself! When you know you're likely to come up against things that make you mad, think about how you'll respond to them in advance. Don't gear yourself up for a fight, but think about how you could handle the situation with grace and tact, rather than flying off the handle.

 Interestingly enough, doing those things can also increase your PATIENCE! Which, of course, is the virtue associated with this particular vice. :)

But now what happens at the other end of the spectrum? When you're not mentally flying off the handle or seething with rage? When you're really not passionate about... anything? You might find you've fallen into the vice of....

Sloth

As a vice, sloth can be summed up not as a lack of motion and energy but as a failure to do what love demands of you; it is the sin of omission. We tend to think of it as laying about, munching chips and watching TV, but that image is really just the opposite of what the monks used to prescribe as a solution: manual labor, to improve your diligence (virtue alert!). What sloth really is can show itself in a number of sometimes unexpected ways:

• Restlessness or a desire to "run away from it all"
• Apathy
• Shutting your eyes to the world by yielding to distractions
• Planning, planning, and more planning- but never actually acting
• Not following through on opportunities to show love or kindness
• Hanging back when a prompt response matters (ie "I'll donate to that earthquake relief fund tomorrow... I mean, next week... or maybe next month.")
• Laziness or avoidance of things that are challenging
• Busy-ness, especially when we're busy to the point of distraction

That last point deserves a bit more discussion. If we define sloth as a failure to do what love demands of us, it's far more than just sitting on the couch and eating potato chips- we can just as easily avoid doing (or even noticing) what we should be doing because we fill our days with so many other things. A workaholic can certainly suffer from sloth, even if he never stops moving. When you're rushing from thing to thing, you may not stop to answer God's little "nudges." Or perhaps you're so busy because you don't want to have time to sit and explore your feelings; you're afraid of what some introspection might bring to light.

 

However it shows itself, sloth is a refusal (though perhaps a quiet one) to let God's love change us and define us; we cling to what WE want or how WE think our lives should be led. It is both the cause and the result of distancing ourselves from God. And it affects both the dedicated monk and the newbie believer equally.

How? As almost every mature Christian throughout history can tell you, a relationship with God is not static. Your passions and emotions rise and subside (because no one can sustain heightened feelings forever), and you will likely have moments in time when you have to listen much, much harder to hear God's voice. Remember how silent Mother Theresa's relationship with God was after her initial call! Sloth takes advantages of those ebbs and flows (particularly the "ebbs") and encourages us to take that lack of passion and either view it as a sign that we need to move on to something else or make it into our state of being. Sloth says, "I don't feel strongly about what I'm doing anymore. Guess it's not worth doing. If I just changed careers, cities, _____, it'd all be better. I should probably focus on that instead of doing this other thing." (Note: this is not about finding your calling- that's a whole 'nother discussion about discernment and the trial and error that can come along being blessed with a round-about path. Sloth is about not noticing what's placed in front of you and why, or choosing not to follow through on something that you should be doing.)

 

It should come as no surprise that sloth is part of a vicious cycle. Spiritually, when we decide not to pray because we're not "inspired," or we do the "one and done" prayers (I mentioned it to God, so now it'll happen and I don't have to think about it any more!), or when we fail to go to church because we'd rather spend our time on another activity (and we don't try to connect with God in another way), we will likely find that it's a bit easier to skip it next time, too. And then we start to lose sight of the value of a relationship with God, until we hit the point where we're either drifting aimlessly without purpose or value- or we're frantically trying to fill the void with whatever new fad spirituality floats in front of us. Alternately, we might scramble from activity to activity, trying to find fulfillment and purpose away from the very One who made us to want those things. And when we see sloth acted out en masse over a long period of time, we come to a situation much like we witnessed in Baltimore recently. (I'm grateful to all of you who stayed afterwards to discuss the logistics of what happened and how, but for those of you who missed it, this is a pretty good beginner summary, though it was made before they announced charges against the 6 police officers involved.)

The Freddie Gray riots and protests are the perfect example of the intersection between sloth and wrath. We saw both reactive, passionate wrath, as well as anger that was held in check by the 10,000 or so protestors who marched in the streets of Baltimore (and the others that held marches in other cities). Clearly, wrath and anger were on display- no matter your thoughts on the appropriateness of those emotions. But what about sloth? As John Stewart explains (in a rather bleep-filled, yet amusing clip), the reason that wrath was allowed to build and boil over was not just because of individual choices, but because of the inability and refusal of those in power (note: this doesn't mean just "government") to do what love demanded of them over a period of decades. Baltimore is a good example of what can happen when we allow distraction and comfort to make our decisions for us, rather than taking on the hard work that is placed in front of us. It is the culmination of a billion tiny decisions, for even when there are people working with all their strength to make things right, their hard work can pale in comparison to the sloth and inattentiveness of the masses.

 

I'd strongly encourage you all to keep paying attention, not only to this situation but to the others that pop up. Keep an eye out for trends in the anger, in the proposed solutions, and in the ways that people come together to overcome and heal. Paying attention can be a great form of diligence and commitment to love's call, especially as it prepares you for future action!

 

P.S.- There wasn't an obvious spot for this reminder within the main text, but we did talk about how it's not sloth to take breaks from working hard in order to have the energy to keep going. When you're doing something hard, you NEED to have moments of respite to recenter and recharge, and that is a wonderful thing. Just make sure you're not taking a break before you've even started!

 

 

 

7 Deadly Sins: Envy

Ahh, envy. The least fun of all the vices, it's also the least likely to ever be confessed. Even though we often use phrases like, "I envy you" and "I'm so jealous," they're superficial words that we use to express something closer to, "wow, that sounds like a really nice situation!" When we really start to dig into what envy means, we start to realize that it's not like our cultural values of "greed is good" and "sex sells." Even in America, envy is always ugly.

So, what is envy? In youth group, we started with some definitions simply because academic and theological discussions make some distinctions in terminology that could make further research a little hairy- unless you know the terms! Though the definitions aren't required for our discussions, you might still be interested to know that academically:

• Jealousy - The fear of losing something that you feel already belongs to you.
• Covetousness - The desire for that which is not yours and is not meant to be yours; covetousness is rooted in desire to possess or own the object/person, regardless of how many others might also own such a thing.
• Envy - The desire for that which is not yours and the begrudging of the person who actually possesses it; envy is focused on the distribution of goods, not just in the owning of said "good" (the "good" could be a person, a skill, an object, etc.), and the envious person is willing to harm another in order to achieve their goal.

These three definitions more or less fit into the sin "envy." On the envy virtue/vice continuum, you have

Envy ---- Contentment ----- Complacency

We did things a little differently in youth group for this sin, and I'll show the quotes, situations, or phrases in bold, and then put our discussion after them. So without further ado:

Wanting to be someone you are not is a waste of the person you are. - Kurt Cobain

The secular view of envy is that it can be advisable depending on what sort of actions it encourages. The sacred view is surprisingly closer to that of Nirvana's front-man because we are not called to use someone else's life as a measuring stick for our own; we're called to use God's plan for us as our guide. Even if envy causes you to become a well respected doctor, if God created you to be a farmer or a pastor or a _____, you are choosing to NOT fill the necessary role for which you were created. You are, in effect, choosing to make it harder for God's perfect kingdom to exist. And you've replaced what is best, what is perfect, with what is only good, showing a lack of trust and gratitude for God's provision and plan for your life.

Chariots of Fire

Liddell and Abrams are both lauded for their achievements in the movie, but they show an important distinction in motivation. Striving for excellence that comes with recognition and status isn't necessarily envy (or pride), but your satisfaction with what you've accomplished depends on your reasons for doing so. Abrams envied the respect and recognition that came with winning; he wouldn't run if he didn't think he could win. He feared the idea of someone else taking that place, and even when he won, he didn't feel secure. Liddell also achieved greatness, but he wasn't running solely to win. He ran because he felt God's pleasure when doing so, and his excellence was a result of doing what made him feel close to God. And it's worth noting that his gold medal came in an event that he wasn't originally scheduled to compete in- he ran a longer race because he refused to compromise his convictions and run the trials for his chosen event on the Sabbath.

Cinderella and Snow White

These Disney princesses are classic victims of envy. The evil queen literally poisoned Snow White because she envied her beauty, while Cinderella's step sisters feared that her beauty and charm would outshine their own; they locked her up in order to keep her from having a shot at the man they wanted to claim for themselves. The point to make here is that envy stems from a sense of worthlessness or inferiority, of being less than the person you envy; you don't envy those that you feel are beneath your status or worth. The biggest problem with this is that it denies that there's value and beauty in being different- any difference is simply being better or worse than the other person, rather than acknowledging and being grateful for the fact that we all have different roles and skills.

Comparison is the thief of joy - Theodore Roosevelt

Envy requires comparison- your sense of self-worth is bound up in whether your position in life is better off or worse off than someone else. But since there will always be someone better looking, smarter, richer, more popular, etc. than you, falling into envy's trap of relative worth (comparison) is a zero-win game.

Plastic Praise, Ulterior Motives, and "One-up"Manship

These are three ways you can spot envy. Plastic praise is when you try to bring down another person's contributions or attributes (like the backhanded compliment or the "she's great, but..." compliment). Ulterior motives, of course, mean denying another person's good works or character by assigning a negative motivation to it (you can see this in the comments about Odin Lloyd's mother, Ursula Ward, who forgave her son's murderer, Aaron Hernandez). And we are all familiar with the person who has to "one-up" every story or accomplishment ("You got into college? That's great! Did I tell you about the 4 Ivy League schools I was accepted into?").

You've finally gotten the opportunity to direct your school's fall play! This is the highest honor your theater department could give you, and after three years of learning the ropes and never missing a practice, you can't wait to show everyone how great the production will be with you at the helm. That is, until the new kid shows up that first day having directed not one, but TWO fall plays at his old school. He's undeniably talented, probably more so than you are, and your department's chair asks you to co-direct the play with him. How could they be so unjust as to just hand him a co-director title when you've put in so much work to get there???

Envy often hides itself in the idea of justness or fairness in an attempt to make your feelings OK (i.e. "He's not the nicest person, so he doesn't deserve those skills" or "I'd be even better than her if I'd only had the opportunity." Envy makes us forget that God doesn't give us all the same skills and opportunities because he hasn't created us all for the same role. The biblical parable that goes along with this idea can be found in Matthew chapter 20, when the vineyard workers all receive the same wage after having worked very different amounts of time. Though the original workers would have been very happy with their promised wage, they envy the same wage being offered to someone they feel is less deserving of it.

Whenever you go over to your friend's house, her home is spotless, her mom has baked cookies, and their walls are lined with their family's smiling faces standing in front of World Heritage sites. Your mom, on the other hand, never spontaneously bakes you cookies- she works long hours, and your family never has the money to take big vacations. You know your mom loves you and she tries her best, but you begin to feel frustrated at the opportunities your friend has that you don't. One night when you get home from your friend's house, your mom asks you to do the dishes and you just let loose, telling her in no uncertain terms what you think about your life- or lack thereof.

Envy breeds discontentment with what you have, and discontentment breeds resentment. Resentment at its most basic form is ingratitude, and especially in this instance, is very hurtful to the one who is trying her best to provide for you (the same could be said of God in the bigger picture). If the two most important commandments are to love God and to love your neighbor as yourself, it's not hard to see that resentment (and the envy that started it) harm our ability to love. Extra credit for recognizing that resentment and envy put a fog over your ability to see that your current situation is a training ground for future accomplishments.

Kiley feels called to go into counseling, and she decides to go for her Master's Degree in family therapy. Her sister-in-law, Elisa, has always been more academically successful than her- and she suddenly starts question her decision to NOT attend graduate school (even though she has always said that she wouldn't apply for grad school unless she had a clear reason to). Elisa decides she WILL find and be accepted into a PhD program that would interest her, even though she was happy with her life before finding out Kiley's news. Is this envy?

You bet it is! Elisa is attempting to undermine Kiley's achievements by making her own achievements bigger and better. She allows the fear of being seen as "less than" make her discontent, and envy unbalanced the perceived scales of acknowledgement. And when we talk about envy being willing to harm another in order to be "better than" or to have the good/skill/person they so desire, it's not always about maliciously attacking or sabotaging them: sometimes it can be intentionally outshining them, intentionally making them appear or feel second best. When your goal is to have more ____ than someone else, you can bet than envy's got its claws in you.

Haters Gonna Hate

There are two types of envy: that of a particular person (I envy Susie her ____) and that of a whole group (I envy those trust fund babies). Sometimes envy begins in one category and seeps into another, and sometimes they can be kept completely separate. But you can bet that once you've allowed one to go unchecked, you will find more and more people or reasons to envy than you had to begin with!

 

Complacency vs. Contentment

   

 Complacency: self-satisfaction, especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies. It's a form of willful blindness.

Contentment: gratitude for the blessings you've received and focus on the good in your current situation (even if you'd be happy not to stay there forever). For reference: Phil. 4:11-13. 

So how do we cultivate the virtue of contentment?

• Call your sins out for what they are- envy is the least likely of the sins to be confessed, which makes it almost impossible to treat!
• Remember that envy is like rust- it eats away at something until you barely even have the shell of what was once good and whole.
• Also remember that looking on someone and admiring them in such a way that you use them as a role model is not envy. Mother Theresa, for example, can help show us a way to live out our faith in love- wanting to BE her or to outshine her example, however, crosses over into the envy category.
• Philippians 2:3-4: Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourself, look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. Want to stop envy? Focus on your own wants a little bit less!
• Intentionally do something good for a person you envy- something that CANNOT be traced back to you, so there can be no sense of personal gain in it
• Spend some time doing something that brings you joy without seeking after accolade (like running because you feel God’s pleasure when you do, not because you want the medal)
• Cultivate a desire for things that are best shared (not things that are only good when “owned” by a few)
• Rather than focus on what you lack, think through what you do have- touch on each and every thing, and say something positive about it.
• Take some time to reevaluate where you get your worth. And don't just pay lip service to what you know are the expected answers!
• Romans 12:9-10 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Give credit and praise to others as much as you possibly can!
• Remember the biblical example of Jonathan and David- if anyone had a right to hate David, it was Jonathan, not Saul. But Jonathan loved and supported him instead of envying his position and popularity.
• Remember that envy does not follow the commandment to love our neighbors as ourselves. And as 1 John 4:8 points out: Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

 

7 Deadly Sins: Greed

Greed:
n. noun
1. An excessive desire to acquire or possess more than what one needs or deserves, especially with respect to material wealth. 

See also: fear

Simply put, this sin can be summed up in the phrase "greed is fear, wrapped in gold, disguised as fun." Greed looks good, and as a society, we're taught that continual acquisition is a great idea- both for our own pleasure and for the sake of the economy, as well.  But greed is more than just the "gimme gimme" or desire for what you've never had (or had enough of);  greed can also take the form of miserliness/stinginess, desire for what you've already renounced (like the monks desiring the things they left behind), and also a fear of poverty or lack of faith in God's provision.

When I think through those reasons for greed, I find I can sympathize with all of them. Who hasn't wanted something new and improved, or regretted something they got rid of? And I can certainly think of times when I've tried to justify keeping something I knew I didn't need because I was afraid I might want it again (and not be able to find a suitable replacement). But taking a look at why greed is a deadly sin can help us understand the difference between sound judgement on possessions and when our decisions cross into the desert of greed.

Why greed is bad:

• It replaces trust in God with trust in money (forgetting that all gifts come from God in the first place). It tells God, "I don't trust you enough to consider you 'enough.'"
• Study after study shows that greed increases fear, worry, a sense of entitlement, selfish behavior, aggressiveness, and bragging (the link is just one example, and yes, it's another TED Talk)
•  We forget that money can't and doesn't ensure wisdom, knowledge, health, love, or ANY of the things that really matter
• It distracts us from the things that actually make us happy (like being so focused on what your possessions convey about how cool/rich/etc. you are, you have less time to focus on the friends who truly make you laugh no matter what you look like)
• We're distracted from the bigger issues facing our world (Define Necessity is a great series that presents stark contrasts, such as our concern that we have the perfect place settings for Thanksgiving and the child who's starving for a few more crumbs of food)
• We lose sight of the immense environmental impact our consumption creates (google "environmental destruction" if you need a visual)
• It changes what's a "want" into a "need."
• Trying to fulfill greed's demands will only increase those demands, rather than satisfying them: "He who is not satisfied with what he has now will never be satisfied with what he wishes to have."

 

 So if trying to satisfy greed's demands doesn't work, what does? The virtue that corresponds with greed is:

Liberality/Generosity

The old-fashioned word is liberality, and I wanted to include it because it shares a root with liberation and freedom. Generosity is freedom from the control of possessions. It doesn't mean you have nothing, it means you have the right things for your life (not the life of a character you admire, not your fantasy life, not the life other people tell you you *should* live). And it means being willing to let go of everything else, trusting that God will provide. 

Before we talk about what generosity looks like, let's take a minute to explore what generosity is not. Let's talk about greed might actually look like. Our society values it in ways you can't really appreciate until you've explored other cultures (it often doesn't even look like greed until you see how other cultural perspectives treat the same type of situation), but we might find greed when we:

• Have more than our needs. I cannot stress how important this perspective is. It doesn't mean you can only have your most basic needs, but knowing the solid, most basic list changes your perspective. Your basic physical needs include weather appropriate clothing (something to wear and something to wash for each season in your climate), a form of protective shelter (remember: a camper can fit the bill as well as a mansion), enough food to get you through your next meal or shopping trip and a way to prepare those foods, a form of transportation (which may or may not include access to a car), and the tools you need to feel challenged and entertained (like a library card, for example:) ).
• Forget the above list and confuse needs with wants
• Forget to say thanks for the privileges you already have.
• Follow trends for the sake of being "current" (try asking yourself if you’ll still like that thing even if no one else is still wearing/using it)
• Follow lifestyle media, trying to “trade up” or upgrade
• Refuse to share something because it might get broken/lost/etc.
• Buy something you “want” without thinking about the role it’ll play in your life (forgetting that possessions are tools)
• Make important choices based solely on monetary concerns (i.e. your career)- a great counter example of greed is Bob Goff, a lawyer, who chose his lucrative career with the goal of doing good in the world. He uses his excess salary to fund his non-profits, and he donated 100% of the proceeds of his New York Times bestselling book.
• Shop for entertainment. Why do we do this in our culture? At the end of WWII, our country had achieved a productivity that outpaced our material needs. Enter Victor Lebow, an economist who ushered in our consumerist society. This quote pretty much sums up his theology (and our current society): 

"Our enormously productive economy demands that we make consumption our way of life, that we convert the buying and use of goods in to ritual, that we eek our spiritual satisfaction, our ego satisfaction, in consumption. We need things consumed, burned up, replaced, and discarded at an ever accelerating rate."

• Buy something to demonstrate a quality you want to stress
• Talk a lot about things that need to be changed, but our money never makes it where our mouths go

If that list shows what greed might look like, let's explore a list of what generosity might look like:

• Treating your possessions as if you’re a caretaker, not an owner (realizing you have to answer to the owner for all your decisions)
• Focusing on contentment- be grateful for what you have, don’t try to seek more; avoid lifestyle creep (avoid malls, online “comparison” shopping, looking at catalogs, etc.)
• Setting aside money to give away. Do it in cash, so you're always ready to answer a nudge from God about any situation He might put in front of you (the story I told in youth group is too long for a bulleted list, but feel free to ask me about it!)
• Donating possessions and not just as justification to purchase the newer version
• Giving happily, no matter how much (or little)
• Sharing what you have- with siblings, friends, neighbors, strangers (www.newdream.org is a great place to explore what that could look like in a more formal way!)
• Practicing detachment from money, possessions, activities- enjoy it while you have it, but be willing to give it up when prompted
• Donating blood or signing up as an organ donor, etc.
• Deciding to live in a more minimalist way in order to give more
• Setting aside time for service (so it's not just all about you all day long)
• Choosing your career with more thought to what God wants, rather than what gives you the most money or perks
• Creating frugal habits in order to give more
• Requesting charitable donations for birthday “gifts”
• Tithing (and then giving even more!)
• Looking for new ways to help others. Be creative!
• Setting aside time to actually express your gratitude- you might find it by cutting back on tv/media!
• Intentionally cultivating a skill to help others- if you see a need you want to fill but can’t fill yet, work on it for the future (not all generosity needs to happen right now!)
• Providing your skills for free, rather than charging for them- or follow the Mennonite or Keralan models, and charge only what you need to charge to keep going, rather than what the market tells you could charge.

Looking at our two lists, which do you feel fits your life more closely? Can you commit to moving more towards our generosity list? You could try adding one form of generosity to your life this upcoming week, and if you find you feel less burdened by your possessions and wants, you might add another form in the future. Be creative. But more importantly, listen for God's voice- both in what He wants you to let go of and what He wants you to add. Work on trusting Him and see if He's not faithful to provide!

Two final quotes to make you think:

“Most of the mess that is called history comes about because kings and presidents cannot be satisfied with a nice chicken and a good loaf of bread.”
― Jennifer Donnelly, Revolution

and

Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers.

-William Wordsworth,  poet